When hanger strikes and you’re out running errands, everyone knows that the best thing to do is go ahead to the grocery store anyway, and use one of these proven strategies of attack:

A) Throw some dollars at the problem:

Buy the most expensive, decadent, pre-made deli foods and treats that money can buy. In this moment in time, there is nothing more important on which to spend your money than food, glorious food.

OR

B) Load up on the densest possible calorie source for your money.

Efficiency please! Sugar, fat, salt smothered together in the richest possible package to get your empty belly feeling uncomfortably full again.

Can’t choose one strategy? Combine them both! Your future health and financial status is no object! Just don’t forget to load up on these 23 very important things that you absolutely need right NOW:

1. Pork rinds

2. Bulk bin chocolate peanut butter cups

3. Clamshell sushi made with “krab”

4. Mini cupcakes

5. Full-size cupcakes

6. Pre-diced prosciutto (Why? Nevermind.)

7. A triangle of $16 cheese

8. Ranch dip

9. Baby food squeeze pouches (for hands free meat delivery)

10. Chocolate covered pretzels

11. Yogurt covered pretzels

12. Unsalted pretzels (to immediately throw in the trash)

13. Anything from any year of Lays’ #dousaflavor competition

14. Potato salad

15. Starbucks bottled caramel Frappuccino

16. Pre-shredded parmesan

17. Pizza Lunchables

18. Mini-cans of Vienna sausage

19. Frozen White Castle sliders

20. Canned aloe juice

21. Canned vanilla pudding

22. A tube of sugar cookie dough

23. Cheeseburger flavored Pringles

Extra credit: Antacid. But you are tougher than this. You will fall asleep on the couch and dream until you wake up hungry once more.